Lifeless
by Shatterd.Blood.Petals
Summary: feeling liefless and alone Roxas serches for someone to see who he really is can he find this in a new redhead teen that has aqau eyes
1. Day's like these

Day's like this I wish I was lifeless.

Day's like this I wish someone would come and save me from the pain.

But no, no one can know about me no one can see it in my eyes. No one can see I fake my smiles no one can save me from my own pain. No, no one can see the Ghosts of my past haunting my eyes like a film playing on and on in my head. Oh no, no one can see the bad images that I'm faced with all my time no one can see it burning into me flickering into my eyes no one can see me no one can see my soul no one can see who I am no one can see who I truly am because I hide it from everyone.

School starts early in the morning so we finish early, school it's not a place I'm too fond of but I have no choice in the matter I have to.

School is like a poison no one can get rid of, the people are leaches that once they cling to you they wont let go.

Yet looking at me you would feel sorry for me pity me, but you don't know me, no one knows me anymore, it's been the days of no one noticing me for as long as I can remember, no one nose me no one, it's so hard to show what I'm really like because no one has seen my true self.

Sure I smile, I laugh, I make fun of people, and I mix in with people, but do they know me?

No, no one knows me. I don't even know my self anymore; it's just a game I've been playing with my self.

The darkness covered over me I don't even see what people see around them because I'm not them and there not me, no one nose me no one will know me I'll keep it locked away hidden away lost for ever, if I looked back on my days as I number them away, I can see them clearly, I don't sleep when all I can see is them dreams holding me down no one knows what's going thought my head, no one nose me.

It's a game, a foolish game of me wishes I want to come true.

But no everyone gets what he or she want and I lose everything I ever had to give.

Don't catch me when I fall, because I'd only fall deeper, don't kiss me when I'm sad, I'd only taste bitter, don't love me, because I would not love you, don't hold when I'm scared, because of my nightmares, don't stop me from crying, because that's my haven, don't love me, I'd only hurt you, don't care for me I'd only abuse it, don't hold me, I'd only push you away, I don't care for you if you don't care for me.

It's a game I've been fooling my self all year round, but dose anyone see it no, no one sees it.

No one can grab me long enough to see the pain, hurt and lose.

No one can see the darkness that cloud over my eyes.

Because no one really notices I'm there, with the warmth of my cold heart, I see the world through lie after lie. What do you see? I see nothing, I had behind a fake mask no one nose me no one wants to know me because I'd only hurt you later one.

No one can see my true colours.

Only the scars that line up my arms, no one can see what my true motive is no one can see what mu true idea is, locking my self away in music and art, notes and poems, work and thinking, I'm like a cloud, I'm all cloudy, when something goes wrong my white wings turn grey, and I lose all sparks in my eyes, with every uttered word around me, what am I seeing? People chatting laughing, having fun keeping the spark in their eyes.

But am I noticed?

No one sees me no one hears me no one can feel me.

I'm like the wind, I just blow freely, but am I always that free, some people would call me a free sprit I do as I please and I show it, but dose anyone see what's behind all the fake smiles, laughs and mix in with people, that's not me that's not who I am that's not what I want to be.

Watching as my so called friends watch after me as I lean on the wall, they all talk around me never talking to me, dose it make them feel better to push me away leave me behind, push me out of the way, I lost once before will I lose this foolish game? Something I'm meant to never lose yet a game I started is the game no one finishes. Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do you pity me? Questions without an answers, that's what they are, questions without answers.

Would it matter if I slowly faded away?

With unhealed scars littering my arms?

Would it matter if I give up know?

But no that's not me, I'm know as someone who don't give up no matter how tuff the going gets. But the truth hurts no one understand the truth the truth hurts we all lie to hide the truth stopping people from hurting but dose it mean you can hall all truths onto my back, make your problems mine?

No one understands there's only so much one person can handle. I'm only human I cant take care of everything around me as well as trying to handle my own truth and lies.

It's not possible for me to be able to do all this, I cant do all this everyone pushes everything onto me, like I'm wonder women so I can do it all, yeah they all say the same, 'Throw it all to me no they wont mind oh no' because I'm meant to be able to do everything, I'm meant to be smart get everything right, be able to handle everything, oh no my problems don't matter, nothing matters dose it? No because I can handle it.

Don't catch me when I fall, because I'd only fall deeper, don't kiss me when I'm sad, I'd only taste bitter, don't love me, because I would not love you, don't hold when I'm scared, because of my nightmares, don't stop me from crying, because that's my haven, don't love me, I'd only hurt you, don't care for me I'd only abuse it, don't hold me, I'd only push you away, I don't care for you if you don't care for me.

Many questions are asked and many of them get answered, than why do mine not get answered?

Don't cry for me, because I want shed a tear for you, don't call my name, because I wont answer you, don't hold me in the dark, because I'll push you away, don't ask me questions, because I'll walk away, don't smile at me, I'll only fake one back, don't hope for me, because I don't hope for you, don't wish for me, because wishing is for fools, don't laugh with me, when I know your laughing at me, don't tell me secrets, because I'll let them go, don't slip out of playing to comfort me, because I will only cry harder, don't whip away my tears, because I'll ignore your tears, don't take me places, because I'd only abuse it, don't fall for me, because I'll lose you, don't kiss someone else, because I love you, don't hope that I'll hate you because I will always despise you, don't ignore me, because when the time comes I'll walk away.

In this deep strife I made, I knew the consequences, I hoped I could beat the penalty of this foolish game.

But I was wrong, so wrong, I was so close and I slipped up, I slipped up on the last step, I said something I didn't mean something that cost me everything, once I had every thing in the world, look at me know I've lost everything.

If I need someone to protect me, if I need some to hold me, if I need someone to save me, right before I faded, I would change my direction I would change my mind I would change who I am.

If I need someone to rely on, if I need someone to look for me I would change my way I would change my direction.

No one knows me, no one can know me not my true self no one can know me, I don't want anyone knowing me, if I lost my self know I'd lose everything around me.

Oh wait I have lost, a game I said I wouldn't lose I said I wont lose anything.

I would not lose this game yet I have known I've lost.

It was like a mirror, everything was going well, looking know I didn't notice the chip in this mirror and slowly each fragment of the mirror held something close to me and I lost it, I lost it all I only hold onto the last bit of the mirror, will I rebuild this mirror? Will the last fragment also fade like all the others, I looked back know a little too late and I see know that with every wrong move I made I lost something dear to me with every uttered word of 'I hate you' I lost another fragment.

A true friend, is someone you can rely on, someone who wont shed a single lie, someone who will whip away your tears and be ready for ant mood you in, a true friend wont leave you because of a small tip of anger shows.

This is who I am.

And this is what happens when emotions get in the way of your goal; you'll end up like me, bitter to the cure and nothing will save you, nothing can help you, because your too far gone.

Yeah I mix with people, but I don't notice them because they don't really notice me, sometimes I get talked to, sometimes I get a small smile and a small look, but nothing more, other than that I'm laughed at hated, mocked, teased and made fun off.

But with the darker I became the more the people around me drifted away from me, and I lost them all, I see that know I once had it all I had the world and I held on tight, but as the dark clamed my mind and I chose to walk away from them, would you call me a fool? I know if I was someone else I would I am a fool, I let the fragments of the once whole mirror chip away I let them chip and I lost everything because of it.

But do I care?

No

Because I don't have any hope left, nothing.

I don't mind being alone anymore; it's something I have grown used to with the many years I have gone without true friends.

The darkness is taking over me, and no one is out there who can stop it, am I searching for a lost soul like mine?

Or is there someone out there that is like me, someone who knows what it's like to have everything you've ever wanted to be depraved away from them, like me I'm a lost soul wondering around for someone to save me someone to hold me someone to not laugh at me.

Someone to love me


	2. My heaven

Starting one of them days _Again_

Days like this I wish the world would stop.

Days like this I wish I would sleep right through, days like this I wish I could jump and grab onto the clouds and sleep on one, never to be touched by all the cruel and wicked ways people work in.

I feel the hate already; I'm already feeling the hate off all them who hate me.

I practically drag my self out of bed, my head hurting as I let all the dark thoughts of last night flood back into my mind like a wave of water, it was the numb aching pain and fiery burning coming from my right arm and from my left thigh.

I let my hazed of blue eyes look down to the new gases that lay in thick lines across my pale skin, the cuts that burn into my skin from all the pain and fragments of what I've lost, fragments of my mirror, fragments of the simple game I play, I'd laugh at my self if I watched this in a film, I'm a fool for trusting people I trusted them with all my heart soul and body yet no one seems to show me that they love me back.

I dragged my self through the small apartment I live in, to the cramped bathroom.

It was small, small enough for me to feel warm.

No one can see it in my eyes, I hide behind a mask of fake emotions, something no one can pull from me, I lost all this a long time ago and look at me I'm 16 and I live alone, I live in darkness and I feel lifeless.

Turning the knob of my shower on letting ice-cold water hit me straight on the burning in my arm and tight as I feel the cuts being washed out.

It burned like hell, the pain was too much and my arm twitched as the ice cold water went to scorching hot, I whimpered slightly as I washed my hair quickly, I step out of the shower and whimpered the burning from my arm and tight is too much for me, but this is the only way I feel real. Nothing else makes me feel alive I'll put up with the pain a little bit more till I can find someone to save me from this pit I dug, the pit I dug so deep down I cant climb out of it, no matter how hard I try or how much I scrape at the muddy ground to be free from my cage of shadows. Will someone be able to save me? I doubt it no one knows me no one can see the real me no one can see what lays behind my eyes no one knows of all these burning cuts that cover my body.

Why you ask?

Because no one cares

No one can see me no one can feel me no one can save me if no one wants to know me. Is it a problem to be in pain like this? Is it a shame that all I get is mocked pity?

No one can see me no one can be me. Because no one knows me like I know me, no one can feel me because no one wants to hear of my problems because I'm the one who sorts out all problems for other people but my own problems and laughed at and they get shoved aside like a old book no one wants to read because they have a new one.

I walked out of the bathroom, the bright light hurting my eyes as I padded through the dimly lit hall back to the safe haven of my room.

My room was somewhere only I could go somewhere I could feel like I was loved because I had my art in there I had what I needed.

But I take one step out of there and all the safety I feel slips away like the darkness with beady yellow eyes that mocks me tells me to push everything away let in the darkness fade away let people think of you when I'm gone.

No

I'll wait, I'll wait till I find someone who can love me, someone who can save me someone who knows me as much as I know me.

I don't want to be laughed at I don't want to be mocked.

But that's all I get all the time, people make fun of me but can anyone really tell if anything they say is true, because no one knows anything about me nothing I wish, wishes were real I would wish to be saved but wishing is for fools and I lost my spark I lost everything I lost the game I promised I would not lose yet I still get them pity eyes, I still get the hated words uttered to me, I feel the sadness around me it's like ribbons tying in the air with thick bows locking anything nice out.

So I drag my self back into my safe place, my haven

Pulling on the usual black clothes, hiding them scars that take over my skin.

And I once again pull my self out of my save haven and out of my apartment letting cold air hit me in the face.

Time to face my nightmares.


End file.
